I’ve had a lot to think about today. This afternoon after lunch I listened to a message by Sean Feucht on the Fire and Fragrance podcast. I think it’s just called “Sean Feucht: Day 1” on that podcast if you look through the titles. It really rocked me.

Sean basically tells his story of growing up in a pretty crazy youth group that loved God. He talks about the early lessons of leading worship. When he was like 16 he helped Jason Upton lead worship for a gathering of like 2,000 people. Jason is really committed to fearing God instead of man. So they get up there and just wait on God. Wait for Him to come, or to give the go-ahead to start. They stand up there and wait 15 minutes, then 30 minutes, 45 minutes… people start leaving, getting frustrated, they wait an hour… they wait another 15 minutes until one lady in the back starts just crying out to God. It spreads and after like 10 minutes the whole room is gripped with the presence of God people are weeping and repenting and getting set free and healed. After a little while they start playing softly and he said the worship that night was one of the most beautiful of his entire life. They touched heaven that night.

The thing he said that just really got to me was “I miss so much living in daily huge risks, I miss constantly putting it all on the line for God. Putting all our savings where our faith is and trusting God. Just getting in a car and finding out where God wants us to go and having crazy God encounters and wild coincidences. We have gotten so good at creating structure and making things safe and comfortable. We love to plan, and know what’s going to happen next.”

It broke my heart, because I remember those times in my life. When I committed to never going in debt because I believed that where God guides he provides. Having $800 in the bank and going down to start ministry school in north carolina for 3 years and God providing every need. Even challenging me each year to give more and more to missionaries than I thought would  be possible. But God would come through. I remember hearing about the world race and honestly believing that there’s no way everything would work out that I could go on that trip. But stepping ahead anyways and not really believing it would work until about two weeks into Ireland I realized that God still does miracles.

I remember when daily God would absolutely amaze me with His goodness. I started keeping track of his blessings and they just exponentially exploded in my life. Every day there was just so many little things that were like little love notes from God. Encouraging conversations, beautiful sunsets, seeing animals, having funny experiences, and feeling his presence unexpectedly. When crazy coincidences became commonplace and I could see undoubtedly that God was really in control of every circumstance in my life. Just thinking about it gets me so excited and jealous to have that again. I think I have lost the wonder of life, somewhere in all of my experiences I forgot what it means to be a child.